Tag Archives: massachusetts

Cape Cod

I have been told that the part of Cape Cod where I am staying is considered the “Irish Riviera.” I’m not sure whether this is based on a misunderstanding of what comprises the Riviera or the Riviera has been knocked down a few notches over the years. I don’t think I have ever seen a denser concentration of ice cream, pizza, and seafood than here. Seeing signs like “Finest Quality Fried Seafood” is laughable. The food here is, in a word, shit.

Cape Cod is nice, but it’s not “every summer for multiple generations” nice. If anything, Cape Cod is seasonal townie hell.

Dear Massachusetts Drivers…

Dear Massachusetts Drivers,

Please consider some pro-tips about driving from a displaced Californian…

  1. Merging is most efficiently achieved with alternate feeding of cars into the merging lane. Doing so will mean less traffic snarls and frustration. If you are racing ahead of the other drivers getting into bumper-to-bumper traffic, you are just playing with yourself.
  2. When you change lanes behind me, regardless of direction, and decide to make a statement by coming within inches of my rear bumper (whatever statement that may be, I have no idea), please understand that if you hit or clip my car, the fault will lie with you since you rear-ended me and should have been in control of your vehicle at all times particularly in regards to the car immediately in front of you. This is doubly true for drivers of all sports cars, construction, and landscaping trucks.
  3. When you change lanes to get in front of me, going at a speed that is at least matches mine or faster would be best, otherwise get out of my way.

Until such time that you see fit to follow these suggestions, I would hold you dear in my heart as your own class of stupid crazy. Especially those of you on Route 128 north of the Pike.

Happy driving!
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