Friends don’t let friends drink and drive.
Friends don’t let friends drink and drill.1
Friends don’t let friends drink and Photoshop.
Friends don’t let friends drink and review code.
Apologies to Matt Groening, but this has always been one of my favorites.
Dear Massachusetts Drivers,
Please consider some pro-tips about driving from a displaced Californian…
- Merging is most efficiently achieved with alternate feeding of cars into the merging lane. Doing so will mean less traffic snarls and frustration. If you are racing ahead of the other drivers getting into bumper-to-bumper traffic, you are just playing with yourself.
- When you change lanes behind me, regardless of direction, and decide to make a statement by coming within inches of my rear bumper (whatever statement that may be, I have no idea), please understand that if you hit or clip my car, the fault will lie with you since you rear-ended me and should have been in control of your vehicle at all times particularly in regards to the car immediately in front of you. This is doubly true for drivers of all sports cars, construction, and landscaping trucks.
- When you change lanes to get in front of me, going at a speed that is at least matches mine or faster would be best, otherwise get out of my way.
Until such time that you see fit to follow these suggestions, I would hold you dear in my heart as your own class of stupid crazy. Especially those of you on Route 128 north of the Pike.